1 month ago

I never think that anything is absolutely perfect, but a family with a "healthy ecology" is a perfect family.

I will first share a story about my dad raising a goldfish. He started raising goldfish from retirement. At the beginning, every time he called me, he said that he was staring at the goldfish every day when he was free. He feedd the fish food at the end of the day. It was still dead and could not be raised. After half a year, suddenly he was on the phone and he said with great pride that the goldfish had survived. I am especially curious, how did I feed this time?

"The original goldfish can't just stare at the fish. Think about the whole aquarium ecology. Is the water quality good? Is there any other creatures like water plants? Is there any other fish?..." His words reminded me of family and parenting. this matter.

A child is like the goldfish we have to raise. The so-called "perfect" family must not stare at the child, but consider the entire aquarium ecosystem.

I think the two main elements of the “perfect family ecology” are: family atmosphere and parental influence.

■ Family atmosphere is harmonious and healthy: relationship first

If you are raising fish, the family atmosphere is like water quality. Then you have to ask, is the water quality good?

Many families are “children first”, especially in the “4+2+1” environment. The whole family puts the needs of children first. In order to sacrifice the relationship between the children, the life of the elderly can be sacrificed. Everything is the child's first.

But when we put the child in the bull's eye, all the attention is the child, our strength is to accept the inward, our vision will be narrowed, and the heart is for the child's good "child first", but let the child All visions become only one person. Such a family's ecological environment is undoubtedly toxic, and it is difficult to raise children in a large pattern.

Regardless of how the future changes, the relationship between people and people always exists. The family is the smallest unit of society, so the family ecology that is really beneficial to children must not be "child first" and must be "relationship first."

Take the example of husband and wife, we all know that we can't argue in front of children. However, many couples are not really harmonious, but only the false concealment produced by the concept of "child first". The most absent part of such a family environment with "children first" is the real power.

Not to mention the child's sensitivity to parental emotion capture, he will not live in a vacuum environment from the child's future, he will be exposed to bad influences and will also be exposed to interpersonal conflicts. So why don't we tell our children in advance and take him to experience it?

If we use the "relationship first" approach to look at the contradictions between husband and wife, then we know that parents are real people, if there is a contradiction, there is a quarrel. It doesn't matter, the child won't get rid of it.

As long as afterwards, we told the children that Mom and Dad still fell in love. Just because of which matter was not arguing, the problem was solved. Now Mom and Dad apologize to you, and try to control your emotions and talk well later. Such a simple conversation can help children in all aspects of future relationships.

She can understand that "it is not right for people." From an early age, she will know that even the most loved ones will have different opinions and will have more courage to express their different views in the future. He can also learn to apologize, understand differences, find problems, and solve problems together. These are the ecological environments that are more suitable for children.

Disagreements on the issue do not affect each other's "love and love". This love is fluid. This connection is an invisible umbilical cord that will give each member, especially the child a sense of security, with the child. For a lifetime, give them the nourishment of love.

■ Positive influence of parents

Still returning to the aquarium ecosystem, the little fish that loves to follow must be the head fish in a group of fish.

Parents often think, am I the head fish? Am I charming? Is the child willing to imitate me and use me as an example? Do I have a close connection with my child?

Parents need to have a “growth mindset”.

Many times, the things we give our children are cognitively limited, so the reconstruction of parents is especially important. This reconstruction process has several important stages for me.

The first is to reflect on what our own code of conduct is. Just like a child's social contradiction, hitting people and grabbing toys, many times reflect our own philosophy of doing things. Nowadays, there seems to be too much need to learn from child-rearing, but in fact, learning more child-rearing principles, and finally implementing is that we are born as human beings, and what kind of behavioral norm we choose is human.

Secondly, we respond more to our past. Many times our emotional response to our children reflects our own. Often, what we complain about children, who want to change their children, are actually things that we can't do ourselves, but we don't like them. Therefore, what we have to do is to reconcile with our own original family so that we can have the power to influence another soul.

Finally, admit your limitations. Parenting, the most important thing is to let go of yourself and always maintain an open mind. Many times our obsession is nothing more than our self.

All the difficulties in parenting selection are actually our three views, and this is the ladder of reconstruction of parents. When we ask for children, think about what our three views are. At this time, our choices will be clear. .

The parents themselves are stable, and the child is free and rich.

A large-scale survey conducted by the American Family and Marriage magazine found that there is no absolute positive correlation between the amount of time a child spends in his or her childhood and the success of a child in the future. On the contrary, parents, especially mothers, have a negative impact on their children when they are worried and worried about their companionship.

Psychologists have explained this, saying that this is called "emotional contagion", that is to say, parents are more optimistic and positive, and children will be more optimistic and positive. Parents are always exhausted, anxious, irritated and irritated, and the child will easily become like this, thus affecting their future development. Therefore, parents who have a peace of mind are most important. Only when parents are secure, can children grow up healthily.

In the final analysis, a family that is perfect will not lack the love and respect, freedom and rules, a sound three-view and a stable spiritual pillar.

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