7 months ago

Is it particularly unhappy when I am criticized? Maybe it's because you have a layer of armor.
Have you ever encountered a situation like this:

Wife: Whenever I give my husband some negative feedback, he becomes angry and refuses to discuss the matter.

Employees: I am particularly nervous when I evaluate at the end of the year. Because I have to meet with the supervisor, I will also discuss my work for the year. I am afraid that I will not be able to criticize me.

Student: I only took one pass for the last exam and I was beaten by the professor. I don't think I can finish my graduate studies.

Friend: My friend told me that you can find a better job. What does she mean? Is it insulting me? Abandoning my current job is very faceless? I haven't talked to her for a few days.

Stranger: When I paid for it in the supermarket today, I was reprimanded by people who lined up because of the delay. My mood is very bad, I feel like I have been ruined all day.

In the face of criticism, what you need to know is

I. No one can avoid criticism

Well, no one can avoid criticism. I am the same myself. I was especially proud of the first year of the institute. Because I stood out from the hundreds of outstanding students who applied for the project, I feel that my cow is going to be in the sky. The homework of the first class was statistics. I completed the task actively and conscientiously, and excitedly waited for the professor to give me feedback. After the paper was published, I saw the red comment on it and a big, ugly "C". The professor wrote at the top of the paper: Are you really ready to respond to the high demands of this project?

I was particularly shocked and I was disheartened with myself in a flash. I started to question everything, maybe the professor is right. I am not as smart as I imagined myself. Maybe I should take the initiative to drop out of school, instead of waiting for them to persuade.

Let us face this fact. No one can spend a lifetime safely, and can avoid all negative feedback and not be criticized by anyone. In fact, criticism is a good thing, especially those negative feedback. Each of us has a unique understanding of ourselves: our actions, choices, performances, and so on. Criticism from others can provide us with more vision and insights and become a resource and motivation to help us grow.

However, criticism is not always right. Criticism is complex, subtle, and always based on certain positions. Negative information and feedback can also bring us negative emotional reactions.

Two reactions in the face of criticism

In general, in the face of criticism, you will have two reactions.

Accept: Criticism is like a sharp arrow hitting your heart. It hurts you so much that you can't handle the damage and there is no way to make it work for you. For example, the employees, students, and the poor stranger in the example at the beginning of the article.

Rebellion: Because these criticisms hurt you too much, you are particularly angry and choose to resist, yell at each other, or deal with cold violence. For example, the husband and friend at the beginning of the article.

Whether they accept or resist, they are all reactions caused by "injury." Unfortunately, neither of these reactions will benefit you. The former makes you feel depressed and denies yourself; the latter makes you angry, the relationship breaks, and you will not grow.

Most importantly, you lack a good filtering mechanism and lack a layer of armor that can be used to filter and protect yourself to help you cope and take advantage of these criticisms.

Establish a filtering and protection mechanism to make criticism for your own use

Filtering and protection mechanisms sound simple, but they are not that easy. But you can help yourself build such a mechanism in the following five steps.

The first step: You have to realize that no criticism is 100% correct. As mentioned earlier, criticism is subtle and complex, and often based on certain positions. Therefore, before you accept criticism from some people, pause and take the time to deal with the information carried in these criticisms.

Step 2: Every word that the critics criticizes you actually maps the critics themselves. Everyone observes the world through their own vision and experience. No one can do 100% judgment based on facts and truth.

Step 3: When the criticism strikes, stop it before it hurts you. You need to ask some questions to help you deal with these criticisms.

Who is this critics? How much does he know me? How trustworthy is he?
What is the purpose of the critics? Do they have to deliberately hurt you? Are they angry? Still trying to help you? Did they have a bad day? Are they suspected of exaggerating the facts?
Did the critics miss out what information? And these may change their point of view?
Is some information in the criticism more accurate than others?
Do you need more information when answering these questions?
Step 4: Ask the critics. Try to figure out what they want to say and why. Filter this information, leaving a real, useful part, discarding useless, erroneous parts.

Step 5: If those criticisms are effective and beneficial. So, try to take action. See if there is anything that can be changed, whether it's about the behavior itself or yourself, you can try it.

Looking like a useless chicken soup? The next time you face criticism, try to know. It is difficult to know.

Go back to the lab's exam. After a period of self-questioning, I suddenly figured it out. "This professor judged me with only one test? Why? He didn't know me at all!" Why did he say that? Maybe it is deliberately stimulating me and wants me to work harder.

Well, either do it or roll it. (. ̆•ε•̆.)

What I can do is to take out the statistical textbook and use all the remaining time of the week to figure out every chapter, every statement, and every knowledge point I have learned.

Any experience that has been criticized will be a challenge. You can accept, grievance, anger, filter it, absorb it, and become better and stronger.

What does not kill you makes you stronger.

So does criticism.


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